Friday, April 6, 2012
What to do?
I don't know why i'm feeling like this the past few days, ever since i was left alone to sleep a few days ago.... Scary thoughts have been slipping in and out of my mind, i can't control them at all. The worst thing is, i thought i'd alr put the past behind me... It turns out that i haven't. I am still so affected by you. I can remember everything that had happened between us, not word for word but the memories can't stop coming back. It was so bad that i really didn't wna go to school on thursday cause i thought i might just burst into tears... And also, i can't seem to tell anybody about this because it's always about the same issue over and over again. It's always the fact that i can't seem to move on, can't seem to let go; especially recently when all i cld think of is us. Why is this happening to me? :( Am i doing this the wrong way? Am i not supposed to imagine it didn't happen at all? I always thought i cld pretend that everything was a lie, i didn't meet you, we didn't share anything..... but reality is a bitch, it really is. I don't cry anymore, but i'm still aching... My heart, my mind. I can't think about anything else except for this, it's kinda affecting my everyday routine. What a great timing... My exam's only one week later... I don't know how to share this with anybody at all, i can't be talking about this over and over again. My exam's wld definitely be affected, i don't wna fail my favourite module :'( But at the same time, i can't possibly keep it in my heart forever, i feel so suffocated. Like my emotions are about to burst, but it's not the time to do it. I don't know what i want. I don't know if i want us to be friends again.. or just strangers. A familiar stranger. Sigh omg i don't know what to do, can someone please enlighten me? I don't want this to affect my studies, but it's affecting me. It's affecting how i see things normally. I feel like i have no friends, no one to turn to, no one who really understands where i'm coming from. I feel so lonely. I don't feel like going into any r/s... ever. If it means i have to go thru the whole process again, i feel like i cld just die... I know i'm not supposed to stereotype any guys because not everybody is gna treat me like how he did, but i can't help it. I'm so afraid.. so sick of everything now. Tell me what shld i do???
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Not even sure if you're gonna read this at all, but ahhh who gives a rat's ass! So here goes ^~^
ReplyDelete10 days have passed since this post, how're you feeling? Personally, I do not know you at all, call me nosy but I feel for you. What I've faced probably ain't the same as you, but as long as it's matters of the heart, it's all pretty much the same. It might get kind of long winded, but hey, bear with me alright?
It's all a hellish feeling inside, what makes it worse is that you're choosing face it all alone. You don't want to be a nuisance to whoever you confide in but then again, keeping it to yourself, doesn't help, right?
Seriously, people who love you, would not even be bothered by the least bit of how many times you're gonna confide in them the same old issue over and over. It's gonna make life a tad bit easier.
Get all that rolled up tension out of you! In with the good, out with the bad( okay lame ass joke) All of us have lived in the past and for you, it's just a phase, time heals all wounds, cliche I know! You are actually doing nothing wrong at all! Don't get all frustrated and depressed over your memories and thoughts! It was all lovey-dovey once and that's all good! Don't ever ever try to pretend that nothing ever happened, don't even try! Okay I am a really demanding stranger, I know!
Those worthy thoughts and sweet memories were once a happy part of your life, don't let it fade away, in fact, keep them, keep them cause it hurts. At least you know what being heartbroken and hurt means, it proves you're still human! Being hurt is better than being numb!
Don't feel so suffocated anymore. You have gotta be P+O+S+I+T+I+V+E and you're gonna be just fine. In fact think of it this way, you're FREE! You would have more time to put into your studies which you clearly are concerned about and most definitely have a more flexible schedule to match that of your girlies for a meet-up session or two!
Okay I don't know whether this sounds convincing enough for you to trust a stranger but... TRUST ME! You are not alone, not ever. Take a chill pill and open up those pretty eyes of yours(with or without eyeliner) cause there's an abundant of people who love and dote on you that are always there for you! They're all closer than you think!
Which brings me to the previous part, open up your heart to those willing listening ears and just pour out your troubles! Even if you don't want to speak a word, I'm sure a hug and a shoulder to just lean on relentlessly would cheer you up! And probably comfort foods, yumz!
In terms of whether to stay friends or just be strangers. Now's not really the time for you to think too deep about that, in fact it's your road to recovery! Throw all those thoughts aside and take the time to think about yourself instead, feed your awesome online shopping addiction if you have to, whatever else that make you happy! Answers for such questions will
come to you in due time.
Well I see a lot of hate on r/s for the future. I'm gonna say something super corny but hey, don't ever give up on love. The next time you fall in love, that could be the one, if not, at the very least you know that you're just one more step closer to finding that someone who will truly love you for who you are and make you his first priority and never ever his second!
Keep the faith! Like your ink says "And so it goes on" It applies in many ways and one of it is just for this situation! Life goes on and eventually everything's gonna be A-okay! [I hope I didn't sway off from your ink's original meaning too much!]